Out Of Touch

I fell out of touch with my blog. It didn't seem to really matter, I don't think anyone reads it anyways. But I feel bad about it.
It is a connection to the cyber world.
Are you there? Do you read me? Does any of it matter?
So I have moved from John Chow to Brian Kim ,
I still stumble more hours than I will admit.
I haven't a plan for my life, but I know that I am a good person and that something will come along for me.
I work really hard at my job and Randolph Air Force Bace Officers club, and that I feel good about what I do. I make people smile and maybe have a better day just because I served them a meal.
Does anyone need a companion, for travel or just living? I'm not a nurse, but I will listen to what you have to say. I know how important it is to be heard. I know what lonely is.
Call me

757-374-9740

Pat

women who love free spirits

There are women who love free spirits, they change them. I'm am not saying that, that is bad but they do change them. to Beth and Melissa, you have changed the men in your lives, did you make them what they are today or are they relics of what they used to be? Are they on depression medication so they will fit into their lives, or do they take them to try and fit into your life.? Do they hate you, or love you.? Were they better off without you?
None of these question are really relevant. It is what it is and that is life.
Only know that what attracted you to these men is the same thing that you have tried very hard to change.

Maybe this year, 2009 you should just try loving them for who they are. maybe you should just allow them to be who they are. Remember that is who you fell in love with in the first place.

Guy and David I love you no matter what

Pat

stumble upon

So this is wnat happens when you down load the stumble upon icon onto your tool bar. You don't blog you dont write, you don't do anything. Because all you do is stumble and stumble and stumble.
I am thinking that it is a wonderful thing. No one reads my blogs anyways, so what am I missing. I am having a ball, and needless to say I am learning tons of things that I never knew before. What a wonderful life it is on this great place called the internet.
Pat

stumbleupon

living ADHD 3

Impatince is me. Everyone moves so slow. Life seems to pass me by while I wait for the rest of the world to catch up.
As an adult you realize that the above statement is false. Not only are people keeping up with me, but passing me by.
Living inside of this hyperactive mind and body , it just seems like the rest of the world is slow. Slow would be a good thing, maybe I would be able to retain a little bit of knowledge. It is amazing to me that I have retained any knowledge. ADHD is kinda like being blond (I can say that cause I was born blond). When you can retain a thought you think you are the smartest person alive. But at the same time the mind is off and running to the next great idea. It is hard to stay on the same playing ground with "normal people" or should I say "normal thinking people.
Back to the blond thing" I use to believe that I was accomplishing so much: pop, pop,pop, Get"er done, and I guess I did get alot done. But then so did everybody else. Course I suppose if I would have delegated the work out or stayed out of the way and allowed others to do there own work at there own Pace. We would have accomplished so much more, god isn't life grand,
Pat

What are Memories?

Memories definition: The plural of memory, the ability of an organism to record information about things or events in the brain, with the facility of recalling them later at will.

I believe they are times, events, smells, temperatures, tastes, and sights. Memories are thoughts that connect with what is happening now this instant that triggers a door to open in the mind!, allowing old experiences and thoughts to ebb back to the part of the brain that is in the now.
If it is a memory that will keep you from harm or help you win at whatever game you are playing they are good.
If it is just an overload of past experiences of what happened at a different time and place with different people... IT can hold you back from experiencing life as it is today.
You must try and stay in the present. Enjoy today's experience, today's memories. All you have is now This moment.
Pat

strings of life

I have to many memories. They come blasting into my mind when ever they want. I must mention that I am very tactile, need to touch and smell everything, maybe that is where the memories come from. Just about anything that I do makes me think of other times in my life. I have to consciously demand my mind to stay in the present. I am able, in any second to wander off to places far away, or long ago, as if I am still there. As if a string has attached to my psyche and I am still connected to the past and past places, people long dead, or gone out of my life by miles and circumstances. Sometimes, it can be frustrating, or frighting, sometimes it is welcoming, warm, comforting, familial, a place where maybe I would be... you know just me. Not trying to be what others want me to be.
We wear many hats in our lives, maybe to many.
I usually cut the strings, stay where I am and go about my business, paying bills, playing with my grandson, doing the everyday chores that we all have.
But sometimes if no one is around and I have the time I go where the strings will take me to the past. Good, Bad, Indifferent, trying to figure out what this life is all about.
Pat

Death of a Dell Laptop

Krisann gave me her old dell laptop, it was an Inspirion 5160. I really liked it. Kinda heavy, and the fan was really loud, but very reliable and held all of my important information and links to all of the best places on the internet.
I no longer am able to click my little stumble upon button, to go to beautiful places on the web, some of the most fantastic pictures of space, flowers, people, mountians, rivers, seas and many other great photos.
Alex Shalmans' web page has been my morning read with coffee I had him on my start page. I still have coffee with Alex, but now I must wait till there is a computer available to use.
John Chow still sends me e-mail but once again there is the wait for a computer to check my e-mail.
How is it that one little piece of technology can make a human feel so lost when it dies. I feel like I have lost a close friend, someone who held my hand when sad and lonely, went on incredible journeys with me and was never to busy to sit down and play a game of cards or write a letter.
OK, I am not completely nuts. I know that a laptop is just so much plastic, and technology. That it has no feelings and does not really keep a human company.
But what a wonderful world that we live in that I am able to sit on the couch and go to all of the wonderful places and sites that I have gone to. Find any answer I have a question for. Read what is important to others in the world, finding others who want to share there thoughts and convictions.
I am now on Krisanns' Dell inspiron 1720, it is light and if it has a fan you can not even hear it. Krisann and family are Dell people, she is able to talk to her husband in Iraq, Dell to Dell thru Skypes they are even able to see each other face to face. Instant messages come thru from many friends near and far.
Krisann is achieving her dreams of finishing her college degree, thru this wonderful Dell connection.
I realize that the Internet is still there and someday I will get another computer, but my Dell inspiron 5160 was my portal to the wonderful, fantastic, incredible place called the Internet. I just feel better acknowledging the fact that it is gone and will be missed.
Pat

Happiness Project Alex Shalman

If you are looking for a wonderful blog to read go to alex shalman.com. What a wonderful way to start the day. He has a new thing going on that is interactive with other bloggers. You take the questions to the Happiness Project and answer them. Let him know and he will read all of them and then spot light certain ones on his web site. All of the reading is great ,to be able to see lots of peoples lives and how they are happy and stay happy is really inspirational. I answered the questions for the Happiness Project and tried to link it to Alex. Oh and that is where the happiness stopped. I not only could not figure out how to link this blog to it but also lost my answers. Ah yes once again this computer has beaten me. Never the less. I will keep blogging and someday I will get this all figured out.
Pat

More on teenagers Part 2

Breana had a complete melt down at 5:30 am. Thinks she is being treated like a dog. Lets see: she has her own room, central air, in-ground pool in back yard, full refrigerator, cell phone, color TV/with cable, nice clothes, private shower, tub, toilet, the kind of shampoo, deodorant, make-up, that she wants. It doesn't seem that bad. Alot of people have all of the creature comforts that they could want and still are miserable. That is how Breana feels.
The question is, how do you make a miserable teenager realize that life is not that bad and that you don't have to play games with the people that take care of you.
Why in this human life does it have to be so hard. Why does the human life have to hit rock bottom before we appreciate what we have. Why do teenagers' have to turn their backs on the people that love and care for them and take up with people who will hurt them, lower there self esteem, maybe even get them arrested.
So the cell phone went to work with my daughter this morning. She thinks that she will die without it. I am hoping not.
If she can get thru this part of her life, she could possibly turn out to be a fairly nice person.
Choices' have to be made, and they are on her shoulders. Hopefully she will make the correct ones.
Pat

More on teenagers

Trying to raise a teenager is hard. Trying to raise a teenager that is not yours is even harder. My daughter, married a man with children.
Brandon is 20, and in college, pretty much a normal 20 year old thinks his father is made of money and should share with him but other than that a fairly pleasant person to be around.
Breana is 16, highly intelligent and does not have to put much effort into being a high B student. Spent last year hating her father and doing all that she could to try and ruin her life. the gist of last year ended up being juvenile hall, probation, and being shipped off to relatives in the country.
This year she is in an alternative school, dating a felon, and playing games at home.
Not being related to this teenager it makes it much easier to see, the way she tries and succeeds at manipulating others, myself included. They can look and sound so innocent and it only takes a nano second to be sucked in. Right now she is grounded for not being able to make it home on time. Has an excuse every time but just can't make it in the door. Seems to me it is a power play, just has to push the envelope every time. If this was an episode of "Dog Whisperer" it would be about who is the alpha dog. Hmmm, Maybe we should have Cesar Milan come by.
More on this to come.
Pat

Family Loss

We put the old dog down today. It wasn't my dog it was Brandons' His name was Jake. I can imagine that at sometime in his life he was brave, majestic, loyal, handsome, and maybe even smelled good.
I believe he was a chocolate lab. Had a kind spirit, didn't ask much, just a few dog bones, he gave up along time ago that someone would walk him, pay attention to him, or have a kind word or smile.
He must have been around 16, don't know for sure. He came with my daughters new husband and family. The kids Brandon 20 and Breana 16 forgot about him along time ago. Or maybe he was never appreciated.
The last couple of days he hasn't been able to get up or relieve himself. Sad.
I can only hope that he is running in some field somewhere and that someone is loving him for just who he is. I hope that where ever his soul has gone that someone is there to keep him company.
Good bye Old Dog. Hope you find a better life.
Pat

John Chow and Friends

Like all bloggers, I am addicted to the advice and information that you can find on the web. Like my previous blog, I am still looking for the step by step instructions on how to connect to the rest of the internet world.
I found JohnChow.com and he is great, lots of information and a free e-book on how to link to everything. I do believe I have a mind block when it comes to following directions. Or maybe I am making it way to difficult to do . I will admit pushing the correct buttons, and entering the info in the correct places seems a daunting task for me. My brother is busy and my daughter threw her back out so I am back to doing this on my own. I found Alex Shalmans' website thru John Chow. Lots of great information of personal growth and positive thinking. I would classify him on the same pages as Anthony Salerno, Joseph Murphy, and Wayne Dyer.
I have hooked up his RSS feed to my home page so I can start my day with his and John Chows blogs.
I guess what I actually doing is procrastinating on getting started on my own blogs. If I can sit at the computer and read great blogs, then run out of time to write my own. It makes me feel much better than staying in bed and ignoring the laptop.
I will get all of this figured out and I will find the rest of you bloggers. I have thoughts to share.
So thanks John and Alex, I appreciate the advice, and warm fuzzes. See you in the morning over coffee.

blog,domain,rss,diggi,delicious,backlinks etc

In the 70's I learned to use computers, Really complicated things like fortran, rpg, pl1 and 2 basic. Then there were the systems zenix Unix dos.
You had to keep your keypunch cards in order and neatly stacked and you had to have air conditioning to keep your computer cool.
I never did get very good at fortran and the system that we used on our main frame was Unix. When they invented windows it was not compatible with Unix so you had to be very careful when entering data not to confuse the poor thing.
Then they invented the PC. and Bill made all of our lives much more fulfilled. Just click on an icon and it took you to where you needed to go.
Then came Excite, Yahoo and Google. I no longer had to run the kids to the library or pay for the yearly Annuals that went with the encyclopedias that went out of date before you could read them.
Now we have this blog action going on, I will admit that I read blogs for a long time before I started one. Kinda like being a voyeur, in on conversations in a restaurant, but better, people actually wanting to know your opinion.
So I start this blog and there is no one to read it. Then I find out that I need to know all of the above: domain, rss, diggi,delicious, back links, blog groups etc.
I have been reading and studying for the past 3 months and I must say alot of it is interesting but I have not figured it out yet.
So if by chance you stumble across this please sent me a message to let me know that you were here.
Pat

Living ADHD 2

I learned to control my outward movement and noise out of self-preservation. No one likes to be in trouble all the time. Plus start adding the guilt thing, by parents, teachers, grandparents, aunts, uncles neighbors anyone who could make you feel guilty about the fact that you were not doing, learning or acting like you should. Like other kids did. Pretty soon you work out a way to keep all of these people happy and still pursue your own interest.
I think this is a good time to mention that I was raised Catholic, went to Catholic school, My mom was the school Secretary, my dad was in the Knights of Columbus. I only mention this cause I think alot of the guilt thing is imposed on the psyche by the Catholic thing. the Catholic thing is a whole other blog and I will try to get to it one day.
Once I learned to control my outward movement and noise making, I found the most wonderful universe inside my own mind. I remember being in class and mentally being hundreds of other places. I could go fishing, sailing, swimming , fly with a bird that went past the window, feel the wind on my face as I soared along beside, wings outstretch, looking down at the rest of the world and yes, still hear Sister Laurtencia ask me to come to the board and write the answer. And have the correct answer!. Thank you God, for auto-pilot.

living ADHD 1

I screamed (not cried) for the first 6 months of my life. I don't remember but anyone who new my parents in 1950, 1951 will attest to the fact that I screamed for the first 6 months of my life. My mother would correct anyone if they said the crying baby, to the screaming baby. They said it was colic and they treated me with paregoric ( it is a opiate).
Don't know if it worked, I would say not to good, since I screamed for 6 months.
When I was in my 20's and experimenting with recreational drugs (like everyone else in the 60's and 70's) she blamed it on the fact that they treated me with paregoric. I don't think she ever admitted to herself that I was and am hyper-active.
I don't have any memories of being younger than 5 years old. Don't know if that has anything to do with ADHD or not. I believe it has to do with the fact that my brain jumps around so much that I probably was just on auto-pilot during those years.
When I was in elementary school and jumping around from seat to seat and singing songs and pretty much creating havoc in any ones classroom I found it easiest to only remember what I needed to pass a test or make it thru the day. It made my mom happy and my teachers happy. I never tried to learn anything just for me, just to please the important people in my life. Also to keep myself out of trouble. Even people with ADHD, will go the extra mile to stay out of the hot seat.
Moving and making noise was my highest priority. I remember just wanting to run , skip, jump, hop, sing, you name it, if it had to do with movement or noise I was there.
I still don't know how I was able to learn anything. But somehow I retained what was taught to me. That is why I call it auto-pilot. My mind screamed from one place to another. The hardest thing to do was listen to someone who was talking about something for more than a couple of minutes.
Somehow I figured out a way to disconnect part of my brain to listen to what was being said and retain it. The major part of my brain I used for what was important to me. I would say by 3rd or 4th grade I had learned to sit still quit singing and talking out loud...

Living with ADHD

This is something that has been with me all of my life.
When I was young, I had no idea that I was different from other people. Had no idea why I was always in trouble, being punished, told to settle down, not being allowed to go places.
When I look at the old 8mm movies that were taken by my Dad and Uncle Joe I am absolutely amazed at the things that I am doing. Crawling under tables, jumping up and down, sticking my hand in front of the camera. After viewing the old films, I am surprised that I wasn't locked up, tied up with duck tape, or heavily sedated. My poor parents.
It is really a very frustrating place to be, having a mind that jumps from one place to another. Great if not fantastic ideas popping into your mind and before you can act on them they are gone. Knowing that family, friends, and complete strangers do not want you to be around. When you finally realize that you do not think or act like the rest of society you get to go thru every emotion that is available. Angry because you are misjudged, Sad cause no one understands, Mad cause you are a good person just different, glad that you are different.
Sitting still as a child was an impossible thing for me. I can only explain it my way. There was a vibration in me like a rocket sitting on the launch pad. The longer I tried to be quiet and sit still the higher the vibration got and like a rocket when the vibration got to strong I had to move, kick my feet, swing my arms, sing out loud. I understand now the frustration that caused for the people around me but to me it was a happy occurrence, a rush, almost orgasmic. I do not remember any unhappy days as a small child even thou my behavior, I am sure created alot of them for my love ones. Being corrected, punished, spanked, was just part of living and it would pass out of my mind just a quickly as those fantastic thoughts did. I never had to worry about what to think cause thoughts just screamed thru my mind and if one is bad, it will be gone before I can put any really serious thought into it.
I must say I am having a hard time with tense writing this cause it should be written in a past tense since it happened over 45 years ago but most of it is still true today thou, most of the time I can control the physical behavior and have learned to sit still and be quiet. In fact I have learned to enjoy sitting still and love quiet.
In the 1950's when I was a child there weren't' any drugs to calm children who were hyper active. That was probably good for me, but not so good for the rest of the people in my universe.
Sometimes I wish I could have 2 lives maybe if someone could have slowed down my speedy mind and body I might have been a more productive and successful person. But I would not want to give up who I am, its just back to the what ifs... I know alot of people who have normal minds and they have some of the same problems I have. Or maybe the what ifs are just a part of being human

Teenagers

I have been staying with my daughter, grandson, and step-grandaughter. The step is a teenager.
Now that can be bad, and sometimes down right enlightening.
I guess in the grand scheme of things she is just an average teenager.
Back to the enlightening part. Alot of the things that we take for granted or just everyday knowledge are brand new and exciting for 16 year olds.
If you can open your mind and have alot of fortitude you will find being around teens is really good for the soul.
Breana has started her 1st job. What an exciting conversation we had about taxes and why we have them, and why they take them out of your check autiomatically. I had to get on line and look up all kinds of things that I should have known and had forgotten. Didn't question.
I must say she was quite distressed that the government took so much of her money and the fact that she could not do anything about it. Now there is the kicker, "we can't do anything about it"
When did I get to the point in my mind that "we can't do anything about it" It happened somewhere along the way, that you stop making waves leave it up to the politicians, oh the policitians now that is another blog all together, Talk politics with a teenager. Try to explain how we as adults have allowed there world to be as tied up in war as was ours during Viet Nam.
So if you get the chance spend some time with a teenager, you just don't know what you might have to re-learn

Mondaymorningpower

I seem to spend a lot of time jumping from one blog to another, never remembering where I was when I read a really great blog. I am a member of a couple of blogger groups and recieve e-mail from them on a daily basis. That is good and that is bad. I get on to read a topic and that topic leads to another topic etc etc etc. Next thing you know I have been on line for a couple of hours and needless to say have not written a thing in my own blog.
One of the blogs that I came accross is the title of this blog, MondayMorningPower.com. It took me 2 visits to this site to get to the true content. I found this site really interesting lots of stuff to read and think about. Now I am reading the true reason that this blog was started. I guess you could put it in the self-help catergory. But I don't want anyone to say "Oh no another self-help blog" I am truly finding alot of inspiring information in the content of Mondaymorningpower. I am only to installment #10 and am really excited about what I am reading. I have read alot of the books that the quotes on this blog are from. The biggest dissappointment I have found in self-help books is that it all sounds good but there is no step by step way to apply it. What I have read so far seems to have a process to initiate a way to change your thoughts and that will change your life.
I am going to read everything on this blog and will be writing about how it is working for me and how well it really works.
I have spent most of my life thinking that I was missing something. One time I actually thought that there was a secret to living a prosperious and happy life and some how my name was left of the list of people who were suppose to know it.
Now I know that I myself am my own worse enemy, somewhere along the way I decieded that I did not deserve to have more that what I now have, and if I do feel guilty about it.
The guilt part I will get into on another day.
If you get a chance take a look at this blog I do believe that there is something for everyone to learn and alot of it can be found at MondayMorningPower.com
PS sorry for the misspelled words, my spell check is not working

Pogo

If you spend alot of time on line and it is not doing work or research. You may just be a Pogo addict. That is what my son-in-law calls it.
I found Pogo in 2000, I lived in Ohio and a person can get really bored in the winter time. No sun, cold, roads lousy with slush and pot holes. If you have ever been in Ohio in the winter you know what I mean.
Pogo has great graphics, a place to chat and make friends, alot of different kinds of entertainment. I pretty much think it is great.
My daughter is in the Air Force, needless to say we spend alot of time away from each other. Thru Pogo we are able to stay in touch. It is great fun when your daughter is in Iraq (or places in that desert that I can not spell,) and you can spend a pleasant time chatting and playing Gin or Poker, just spinning on one of the slots like Hog Heaven, telling each other the mundane things that have happened. My grandson, Christian is now a member to Pogo. He is eight, nothing pleases me more than to have him find me thru his friends list and ask me to play a game with him.
So now I am at the daughters house and the grandson lives here too. (This is where the addict part comes in) We will all three get on line in the evening, Christian on the PC and Krisann and I sitting on the couch next to each other on our laptops and play Dice Derby or what ever game Christian likes to play. We giggle and laugh and I am not thinking we are addicts.